Lighten Up

  

“What is this thing called love?”

“What is this thing called, Love?”  From Benny Hill

Thanksgiving is full of gratitude.  The day after, I’m just full of pie.  Time to lighten up.  And just for today, I’ll say the same about love.

The match ads are chicken-pocked with the word chemistry.  “We’ll see if we have chemistry.”  “…if the chemistry’s there…”  Scientists talk about pheromones and say it all boils down to smell.  But are everyone’s pheromones like snowflakes: each person’s scent is unique?  Could it really be just a matter of smell?

After eight years of an up and down, in and out relationship, and finally out for more than a year, days of full laughter mingle with only brief moments of longing and tears, and I’m clear of doubt.  But I still miss the smell of his neck in the morning, the feel of his hands supporting my shoulders and sound of his voice close to my ear.

Conventional wisdom suggests that there was some defect of character in me that craved a man who was unhealthy for me.  So I search through my files of defects and look in the folder labeled “Undeserving.”  Yeah, there were some anecdotals in there, but the once overflowing file was definitely thinning out. 

Then I remembered something that made me close the file cabinet.  On our second date at the movies, he held my hand, and zoom!  I was dizzy.  My stomach somersaulted.  I couldn’t concentrate on Clint Eastwood.  Later we went back to his place and made out on the couch.  It felt so easy and comfortable and close, like we already knew each other intimately.  This was our second date and I definitely deserved this.

I’m no scientist; I’m more of a wonderist.  There was no character defect rising on our second date, and nothing defective in the zing that shot through my hand when he held mine on subsequent dates.  Can it really be boiled down to pheromones?  Smell?  Could it be a past life connection?  Whatever this was, I’m sure it was magic of a most mysterious kind.  And I’m sticking to that.

Conventional wisdom doesn’t apply to unconventional people.  Aren’t we all unique and in that way unconventional?  I think it’s true that to end relationships in which I’m unhappy, I have to believe not only that I deserve better, but also believe that better can be.  With each new relationship, my Theory of Deservedness is rewarded.  I was so lucky to find that deep and magical love after a failed marriage.  I haven’t found that kind of magic again, yet.  But then I found a lighter kind of magic because it’s just what I needed.  I was lucky to have dated Frank, a man who, still, as a friend, brings pompoms to our assembly and cheers me on with rants like, “You’re a remarkable woman.” I grab the pompoms and sing, “You’re so good at being Frank.” Our friendship is a fresh fruit salad, light and crisp.  While I miss the depth of the sweet potato pie that was my previous relationship, crunching on apples and pears has been just the ticket!

Fresh Fruit Salad (Go Organic! Raw! Raw! Raw!)

All of the following fruits except bananas are on the dirty dozen list; they are notorious for absorbing high levels of pesticides, hence the organic cheer.

2 ripe organic pears, peeled, cored and chopped

1 cup of organic blueberries

2 bananas, sliced

2 organic peaches or nectarines, chopped

1 c. organic red grapes

3 of your favorite organic apples, cored and chopped

For a sweeter taste, add organic Bing cherries, sliced in half.

For a zing that doesn’t come along often, add 2 t. of juice from a lemon.

Garnish with fresh mint leaves or maybe a few salted peanuts.  Just the ticket!

When you’re done crunching, you may want to lighten up a bit more.  I suggest going outside and shaking out a little cheer:

Who is worthy of love today?

We are!  We are!  We are!