Offing Gunga Din

“Our very life depends on everything’s recurring till we answer within.”  —Robert Frost

A while back I had a program change at work and was put into a class with an another teacher.  We both have been teaching at this school seven years. She’s a smart, fast thinking, funny gal.  I admire that about her.  I also admire her ability to work a crowd, pull in the detached and win over the thugs.  I’ve been struggling with her in that class for the past few weeks.  I realize I’ve been struggling with her most of my life.

Most of my life I’ve had a latitude attitude.  Everyone is either below me, or more often, above me.  From my earliest friendships I’ve lived this up and down life. This is true of Ms. Smart, Fast Thinking, Funny Gal (Ms. SFF). I could never be as clever or funny or effective at winning kids over like she is.  My usual MO is to first feel inhibited and in awe of others who are better than me.  Then, to feel better about myself, I shift into reverse, grab my automatic weapon from under the seat, point it out the window and blast away.  If I can knock them down a few rungs of the ladder, maybe I’ll feel better about myself. 

For a week I was leading the class instruction and Ms. SFF was the “supporting” teacher.  I was insecure and shaky since I’m not “as good as” Ms. SFF.  And after a week of her interruptions for the sake of getting the laughs, I was mad.  My first move was to complain about her to another co-teacher whom I very much respect.  Together we pulled out our hand guns equipped with silencers and let the bullets fly.  That helped.  But it didn’t solve anything.  After telling me all week to take as much time as I needed on this unit and short story, Friday she told me, “We should finish this Monday, at the latest.”  And because I think she’s better than me and I have little confidence on her turf, I said nothing.  My default was to feel small.  Then I got mad and decided which of her character defects were at work here. 

I’m amazed at how easily I give up my values and self-worth, especially when someone I admire challenges those.  But the good news is I know this.  I pulled up my boot straps and remembered the important contributions students made, at my lead.  I remembered how sweet it felt to show them how important their contributions were.  And I’m left knowing the skills they are improving, at my lead, are important and worth taking time on.

Now, after some meditation, reading and listening to the wisdom of others, I am reminded that humility is one of my personal goals.  Being humble means simply knowing this: we are all in this together.  I envision taking down the ladder with other helping hands. We all hang on side by side.  I remember that some of us are short and have to reach higher.  Some of us have injuries from childhood trauma.  Some of us might be a little weak.  But side by side, we can work together.  If I can focus on principles rather than personalities, maybe Ms. SFF and I can be creative with our contrasting approaches and do what’s best for the class.  Someday I’m going to master this.  But for today, I’m going to work on a humble email to my co-teacher . . . after I make a humble breakfast, each ingredient as important and delicious as the others.  The email may not get my desired results, but I know the breakfast will make my morning.

Humble Breakfast Union

1-2 t. sunflower oil

onion, 4 slices (thinly slice and halved)

4-5 white mushrooms sliced

handful of fresh baby spinach

2 eggs

3 T. plain nonfat yogurt

2 T. goat cheese crumbles

Salt and pepper to taste

Sautee onion and mushrooms in a small skillet until onions are soft and mushrooms are juicy.  Add spinach for no more than a minute. Pour in eggs beaten with yogurt. Eggs will remain a bit wet because of the yogurt.  The flavor is yummy.  But if you like dry eggs, who am I to judge?  Go ahead; use milk instead.  When eggs are cooked nearly to desired consistency, dot with goat cheese, cover and remove from heat.

A piece of toast with honey makes a sweet, contrasting contribution to this breakfast.