Old Girls, They Do Get Weary

After two weeks mired in menopausal muck and stuck in CPS sludge, I’m finally moving freely, breathing deeply.  Ah!  Life is good.

Menopause is a slick trickster.  It follows unsuspecting woman down brightly lit streets, then pushes them into dark alleys and bashes them over the head. The poor gals don’t know what it them.  The resulting headache can last for days.  Tears, grimaces, dangling heads become status quo with worries that dull gray will forever be their existence.  If the culprit is found, things start to brighten up and voila!  In one moment everything lifts.  They are renewed in spite of the intermittent thermostat malfunctions.

I’m lucky because I can usually spot the hormonal sneak wreaking havoc with my happiness.  Also lucky, I don’t mind crying.  It waters my soul and I feel at home in tears. 

But these past two weeks haven’t been so clean and clear.  Of course, my grief over losing my mom hangs in the background and surges forward whenever something else makes me unhappy.  On top of that, I’ve had to manage many business affairs for my dad which means phone calls to that same lady who repeats, “I didn’t quite hear that.  Did you say . . .” Adding more to stress to sadness, at work we teachers have been asked to give up forty-five minutes of prep and lunch time and teach two extra classes a day for a week and a half without compensation.  Counselors have been programming, working more intensely without breaks.  And to add even more slime to the mix, while we were all being bled dry, we were given a letter to hand out to students informing their families—oh yeah, and us—that next year the school year will be ten days longer and days will be forty-five minutes longer, again, without compensation.  I could go on about the lack of dignity and respect in a field that is supposed to be all about teaching dignity and respect, but I could get lost on that trip.

After being tired of anger and resentment for too many days, I decided to use some tools that have helped me in the past.  They’re not my tools.  And you probably already know them so you can just skip down to the recipe.  But you may want to stick around up here because they were handed down to me from wise citizens who inherited them from wise citizens so the wisdom has grown exponentially. 

First I remembered baby steps.  Anne Lamott, in her book Bird By Bird, writes about her brother who had to write a report on birds.  He was overwhelmed until his father told him he only had to write about one bird at a time.  “Just take it bird by bird,” his father told him.  One task is manageable; all of them are overwhelming. I kept whispering to myself in the school hallway, “Bird by bird.”  

As a follow up to baby steps, like parents when their babes take those first steps, I celebrated each little accomplishment by praising myself: “Good job, honey!” I took a deep and well deserved breath.  Next!

When others are in need, being tender and forgiving comes naturally.  A friend reminded me to extend that to myself in these stressful times.  It helped to tell myself I didn’t have to be great or smart and to remember to forgive myself for mistakes because I was in a very difficult situation.  Affording myself those little tenderizers eased the tightness in my shoulders, and I actually felt smooth, more fluid.

Listing all that I’m grateful for can move me out of the negativity I get so entrenched in.  The moment I remembered to do that, with each gratitude, my attitude lightened.

Finally, remembering this isn’t final, that everything is temporary took a huge weight off, and I could feel hope again.

Of course, these tools take practice to use, especially when I have a headache and can’t see through the blurring tears or the fire in front of me.  Thank goodness I have predecessors to guide my hands and hand my tools to me.

If none of those work, there’s always online shopping!  This week I got a new immersion blender.  Let’s see what kind of renewing recipe we can make with it.

Potato, Asparagus and Leek Soup

3 c. chicken or vegetable stock

About 2 inches fresh ginger root, peeled and sliced very thinly

1 leek washed and sliced (I don’t use the tough, green part.)

About 5 medium sized red organic potatoes, washed and cut (bigger than bite sized to keep your labor costs down because your time is valuable.  You don’t even have to peel them.)

1 bunch of asparagus, washed, trimmed and cut in 2 inch lengths

1 t. cracked pepper

1 T. salt

1 t. coriander

Dash of cayenne pepper, if you like

Cook ginger, leek and potatoes and spices in stock until potatoes are nearly tender. Add asparagus and cook until tender.  Using that new immersion blender, work around the soup to puree most of the potato and leek and ginger, avoiding the asparagus.  Add water if it’s too thick.  I like to add a little kale at the end for extra iron, calcium and magnesium.

I’m grateful for those who’ve struggled before me and the tools they’ve handed down.  I’m grateful for friends who value me when systems don’t.  I’m grateful for hot, thick soup and online shopping.